Helping Children Deal with Divorce

sad child due to divorce in NY

Divorce can be a traumatic event for any couple going through a divorce, but if you have children, you will need to tread carefully since children tend not to understand why mommy and daddy don’t want to be together anymore.  Children tend to blame themselves, and then suffer from confusion and uncertainty, especially in cases where there is a custody battle.  Children usually don’t understand the reason why their family is breaking up, but there are a few steps you can take to try to ease your child’s trauma and pain.


It is important to take the time to explain that the love between a “mommy and daddy” is different from the love that you, as parents, have for the child.  Explain that sometimes men and women fall out of love and it is very sad. You need to reassure your child that both of you, as parents, will never stop loving them.

If nothing else, you need to reassure your child that the divorce is not their fault and that nothing they have done or failed to do was the cause of the divorce.  Explain that the problem was between you and your ex-partner.

Dealing with Emotions

When your child is subjected to divorce, they often don’t know what to feel or how to feel.  While many adults feel anger, children most often experience confusion, fear, and loss of self-worth.  It is important to let your child know you love them and that you will always take care of them.  In addition to the reassurances, you should let your child know that you understand their emotions and that it is completely ok for them to feel any emotions.  Encourage them to talk with you and whatever you do, never tell them to stop feeling the way they do.

Professional Help

If you are unable to deal with the issues that your child is facing, sometimes a professional child psychologist can prove to be a valuable asset during the divorce and for the adjustment period after the divorce.  This is a very useful option when children who can’t or won’t talk to their parents about their feelings.

It is important for you to remember not to use your child as an emotional crutch after your divorce.  If you need to vent or cry, do it where your child will not be exposed to it.  See a therapist if necessary.

Wrapping upBy employing these tips, you can help to ease the strain of your divorce on your child.  It is important to remember that no matter how much you reassure your child or how much therapy he or she receives, it will not remove the sting of the divorce, but these tips can help to make it less painful.

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