More on dating after divorce
Getting the first date
If there is interest, you can ask if they would like to meet for coffee or other appropriate first date. For instance, at an evening class you could ask them to go for coffee after the class the following week. If you get a phone number, do call them and not 10 days later. Do not call too early in the morning or late in the evening. Again ask to meet in a public place and keep the conversation natural.
First Date
- Be neat
- Be on time
- Be clear about where to meet
- Bring a small gift
- Make alternative plans if outdoors
- Be polite
- Listen
- Do not talk about ex
- Relax and enjoy
The first date can make you quite nervous especially if you haven’t being dating in a while. Relax. Remember they are likely to be just as nervous and wanting to make a good impression on you.
Dress neatly
Ask a friends opinion if you are unsure about your choice. Dress appropriately for the occasion. If you are going to a restaurant, call ahead and ask about the dress code. This saves any embarrassment later. Do let your date know if there is a dress code.
Be on time
It is simply disrespectful to turn up late. You are telling the other person they are not worth enough to you to turn up on time. If you are usually late for appointments, go early. Do call if you are going to be unavoidably late.
Be clear
Make sure you are both clear about where you are meeting. Just about everyone has a story about how signals got crossed. There is nothing funny though about having to sit or stand around alone waiting for someone. Exchange cell phone numbers in case of a mix-up.
Bringing a gift
Bring a small gift if you feel comfortable doing that. It can be a token gift such as flowers or something simple. If you are meeting someone you met at a pottery class, perhaps a book on pottery or a small pottery vase. It is a thoughtful act that can give a nice start to a date. It can also break the ice and provide a conversation piece.
Alternative plans
Do not forget to make alternative plans if outdoors and the weather turns bad. It may seem romantic in movies to see a couple out in the rain but in reality, it can be a cold and miserable experience.
Always be polite
Do not hog the conversation or say nothing at all. Listen politely and ask questions to show you are listening. Do not ask very personal questions or make inappropriate comments. Pay your date your full attention. Now is not the time to be checking out the other people there.
No divorce stories
Never ever talk about your ex or start into your divorce story. It is not the time and place and can give the impression that you are not over your ex or your divorce.
Relax and enjoy the evening
Do make sure your date gets back to their car or home safely. Offer to call to make sure they arrive home safely if they are driving back themselves from the date.
Do thank your date for the evening. Sending a thank you note is a classy way to let them know you had a good time.
Bad dates
If you have been dating, you will have a bad date story. Everyone has them and you will be no exception. How you handle a bad date is important.
- Do not insult the other person
- Do not yawn or keep checking your watch
- Try to wind the date to a natural close as soon as you can
- Do thank them even if it went badly
- If they ask for another date, politely refuse
- Do not say you will call if you have no intention of calling
- Keep your sense of humor
What to do after the first date
If you think things went well and you would like to see your date again, make contact with them by phone, by sending a note or an email. Do not wait more than a day or two. Do not harass them if they do not return your call or note. This is likely a sign that they are not interested. Continue dating other people and if they return your call later, you can decide if you are still interested or not.
Many people do not feel comfortable telling you directly that they are not interested. They may simply not return calls or say that they feel friendship would be more likely. Decide if they are sincere about wanting to be friends though. It can be quite difficult after dating.
For your second date, use the information you have gained on your first date. You should have a general idea of their likes and dislikes. Use that information to choose an appropriate date.